Baby!
Some dear friends have recently had a baby. I, in all my humble and terrible generosity, decided to buy them a card to celebrate that fact.
The selection in shop was somewhat underwhelming - a scattering of spry and leafy ones that placed most excited emphasis on the gender of the baby and little else. Considering my excitement was not limited to this but also extended to the fact that it was, in fact, a baby that has emerged out of my friend and into the world, I sought something that would convey that feeling succinctly.
I scoured up and down the aisle, eyes flicking from floor to ceiling. And now I had gone too far, for I was in the old age birthdays section, encouraging grandfather to have an excellent 70th and not drink too much ale but oh go on then what have you got to lose you’ve already had a good run. Consume to your heart’s content, old boy, you’ve certainly earned it!
Cards are weirdly specific these days.
No, this wasn’t it at all. I retreated back from whence I’d come, back to the baby content. “Happy Baby,” “New baby”, “Well done, you’ve done a baby” - none of these felt quite right.
However, it soon became apparent to me that there was a subcategory among baby cards. This subcategory can most accurately be described as the “Baby!” category wherein the card makers had determined that the only word truly necessary on the front of a baby card was “baby” accompanied by an enthusiastic exclamation mark.
Now - these caught my attention. For really, what more was needed than that? Indeed, this would convey my own excitement in the most genuine way.
Baby! Yes, baby! That is what I feel about the arrival of the baby, preferably accompanied by the delighted jabbing of a finger at the baby to indicate that this is the specific baby whose arrival I am so excited about.
The only possible question mark was the exclamation mark. I do not mean it should be supplanted by a question mark - that would be absurd. “Baby?” is not what I am going for at all. But is there another mark that might fit better? I think not.
“Baby.” - Far too decisive and unexcited.
“Baby,” - arty, enigmatic… but not quite right.
“Baby…” - interesting - but a touch too ambiguous.
“Baby!” This was it. This was the one. There could be no debate.
My mind made up, I proudly plucked the card proudly bulging with contentment from its plastic sleeve to present it to the person at the counter. Never before had I been so delighted to spend £3.75 on a piece of card - money well spent I say, money well spent. For the Baby! will be worth it.