Amidst the most recent food shortage, it was with delight that I greeted the news that a Politician had instructed us to eat turnips. “Yes, turnips,” I nodded attentively, and set to work. My port of call would be the local allotment - a place from which I had surreptitiously plucked many a carrot and raspberry in my time. These were delicate thefts - a single morsel guided from the leaf that held it and placed gently into pocket or mouth. My turnip heist would require an altogether higher level of sophistication.